In decades past, we Americans have become used to the concept of the nuclear family. Traditionally this consists of the mom, dad and kids and sometimes pets. But in other cultures such as Africa and Latin America, multigenerational iving is not anything new. I grew up in a multigenerational household for most of my childhood and teenage years. When my parents worked, my late great-grandmother would watch me and then when my grandmother returned home from work, she watched me. My aunt also lived with me so she did all the fun stuff such as the snowball stand, activities at the library, and at the movies. My daughter is also being raised in a multigenerational household. Here are some benefits of multigenerational living.
Grandparents Experience More Fulfillment
An important part of multigenerational households is that the grandparents get to enjoy the family more. I can't tell you how many times my dad gets excited whenever he sees my daughter walk in his room. They play together all of the time and he takes her outside quite often. He already has these long term plans for her and it makes my heart glad because since her father is not heavily involved in her life, my dad is a father figure. My mom just adores her too; she plays music for her and applies firm discipline when needed. My grandmother usually has her in the garden in the morning and gives her sweets.
Financial Benefits
It is also cost-effective to live in a multigenerational household. If I have to work, my parents or brother might watch her for the day and if they are unable to, my grandmother or aunt might do it. This eliminates the need for me to pay high daycare prices each month or week, and I can put more of my income towards savings and contributing to the family finances. In addition, since my grandmother is the one who is in charge of the mortgage for the home, our income helps her pay for it as well as other utilities. My aunt brings her everywhere so she doesn't have to worry about bus or cab fare.
Timeless Wisdom
When I was a child, my grandmother instilled biblical values that are still important to me today. I also learned these from my late great-grandmother, mom and my aunt. From my dad I learned the importance of hard work and taking initiative regarding achievement of goals. My brother taught me a lot about the importance of having discernment and not falling for every fad or new way of thinking. My mom taught me about being a proper lady, housekeeping skills and the rules of dating and marriage.
Three Times the Fun
There is so much fun in a multigenerational household. My family often goes on road trips and we hang out at restaurants, festivals, shopping malls and pumpkin patches. During these road trips we discuss family memories and talk about any long term goals we might have individually and as a family. In the home we dance, play board games, have spirited debates, and cook and clean together. There is never a dull moment in a multigenerational household.
With these benefits, it is no surprise that we are seeing a revived popularity and interest in building a multigenerational household.
Monday, October 17, 2016
Sunday, October 9, 2016
Frugal Ways to Have Fun With Girls
This post is inspired by my recent visit to the pumpkin patch yesterday with my one year old daughter. She played among the pumpkins and walked around the patch touching them. I snapped quite a few pictures of the outing and we had a great time. If you have a little girl and on a budget, here are some frugal activities that will make her smile.
Bowling Alley
Bowling is a longtime frugal pastime and you and your daughter can engage in healthy competition there. The snacks sold there are affordable and sometimes the place has fun activities and contests for the kids. To make it memorable, dress your daughter as her favorite cartoon or sitcom character and you can dress up as your favorite celebrity.
Jumping Rope
Jumpropes are inexpensive and you can create all kinds of games while playing with them. If you have two or more girls, you can play double dutch jumprope games. One girl is at one end of the rope while another girl is at the other end. Both girls are turning the rope simultaneously while you and the other girls jump in the middle of the rope.
Day of Beauty
Make your daughter feel confident in her appearance by giving her a day of beauty. Start by giving your daughter a deep conditioning in her hair and giving her the style she wants. After this you can give your daughter a pedicure and manicure. From there you can apply lip gloss and light blush on her. End the day by shopping for new outfits at the thrift store and having dinner at an affordable restaurant.
Give Sewing Lessons
It seems that sewing is slowly becoming of less importance in the home but it is still a good skill to know. Teach your daughter frugality by giving her sewing lessons. Start with the basics and once a week going forward, you can add more complex sewing techniques to her lessons. If you're not good at sewing, the both of you can take free classes at a community center.
Dancing in the Living Room
This is something my mom did with me when I was little and I hope to do the same thing with my girl. Turn on her favorite songs and have her teach you the latest dance moves. Then you put on upbeat songs from the decade you grew up in and teach your daughter some of the dance moves you did in your younger years. This is a humorous way to enjoy each other's company.
Board Games
This is a timeless and frugal activity that you and your daughter will love. Some good choices include Monopoly, Sorry, Candyland, Scrabble and a few others. Make a game out of it by having the girls play for fun prizes such as the choice of dessert, new outfits, or an increase in the weekly allowance.
These fun activities do not cost a lot of money and will keep the girls entertained for hours.
Bowling Alley
Bowling is a longtime frugal pastime and you and your daughter can engage in healthy competition there. The snacks sold there are affordable and sometimes the place has fun activities and contests for the kids. To make it memorable, dress your daughter as her favorite cartoon or sitcom character and you can dress up as your favorite celebrity.
Jumping Rope
Jumpropes are inexpensive and you can create all kinds of games while playing with them. If you have two or more girls, you can play double dutch jumprope games. One girl is at one end of the rope while another girl is at the other end. Both girls are turning the rope simultaneously while you and the other girls jump in the middle of the rope.
Day of Beauty
Make your daughter feel confident in her appearance by giving her a day of beauty. Start by giving your daughter a deep conditioning in her hair and giving her the style she wants. After this you can give your daughter a pedicure and manicure. From there you can apply lip gloss and light blush on her. End the day by shopping for new outfits at the thrift store and having dinner at an affordable restaurant.
Give Sewing Lessons
It seems that sewing is slowly becoming of less importance in the home but it is still a good skill to know. Teach your daughter frugality by giving her sewing lessons. Start with the basics and once a week going forward, you can add more complex sewing techniques to her lessons. If you're not good at sewing, the both of you can take free classes at a community center.
Dancing in the Living Room
This is something my mom did with me when I was little and I hope to do the same thing with my girl. Turn on her favorite songs and have her teach you the latest dance moves. Then you put on upbeat songs from the decade you grew up in and teach your daughter some of the dance moves you did in your younger years. This is a humorous way to enjoy each other's company.
Board Games
This is a timeless and frugal activity that you and your daughter will love. Some good choices include Monopoly, Sorry, Candyland, Scrabble and a few others. Make a game out of it by having the girls play for fun prizes such as the choice of dessert, new outfits, or an increase in the weekly allowance.
These fun activities do not cost a lot of money and will keep the girls entertained for hours.
Thursday, October 6, 2016
Get Your Child into Reading As Early As Possible
As moms we want our children to grow intellectually and one of the best ways to do this is by reading to them and letting them have quiet time for reading by themselves. We live in a heavily saturated digital world filled with blogs, apps and ebooks, and more children are turning to these devices for stimulation. We can be proactive by getting our children excited about books while educating them at the same time. When I was a kid in the 80s, I always went to the library and I was part of summer reading programs. Those programs prepared me well for the upcoming school year. Here are ways we can get our kids into reading.
Practice Reading on Road Trips
Bring some age-appropriate picture books and dictionaries on the road trip and have the kids read them aloud in the car. If they come across words they cannot pronounce or understand, gently explain the words to them and use them in sentences. Another thing you can do is point out words on billboards and buildings to the kids as this helps them associate words with certain objects and places.
Give the Kids Choices of Books
It also helps to offer a variety of options to the kids. If your eight-year-old loves to read comic books, get a few of them and let him read these books. Or if your ten-year-old loves to cook at home, you can visit the library and let her check out a few cookbooks. Then let her pick out which recipes she wants to make and set aside a weekend for preparation of the meals.
Let the Kids See You Read
Parents should lead by example and this is especially the case when instilling a love of books in children. Read your favorite books and the newspaper in front of them and explain to them what the stories are about. This might get them curious and they will probably ask more questions. If they ask questions, tell them the materials where they can get the information from.. This teaches them good research skills.
Set Up a Reading Space for Them
Another idea is to set up a room in the house that is designated for quiet reading time. In the room place a bookcase along with your child's favorite books and healthy snacks. Then for at least 30 minutes each day have your child read one of his books. Once his time ends, ask him questions about what he read and what he learned from it. This builds his critical thinking skills.
Consider Word Search Puzzles
I was introduced to word search puzzles at a young age and even today I find them entertaining. The good thing about these puzzles is that they are each centered around a certain category, and you are learning about new things while finding words. Buy some word search puzzles and let them work on a few each day. After they finish the puzzles, look up those same words in a dictionary with them.
These strategies can boost your child's interest in reading and improve his literacy skills.
Practice Reading on Road Trips
Bring some age-appropriate picture books and dictionaries on the road trip and have the kids read them aloud in the car. If they come across words they cannot pronounce or understand, gently explain the words to them and use them in sentences. Another thing you can do is point out words on billboards and buildings to the kids as this helps them associate words with certain objects and places.
Give the Kids Choices of Books
It also helps to offer a variety of options to the kids. If your eight-year-old loves to read comic books, get a few of them and let him read these books. Or if your ten-year-old loves to cook at home, you can visit the library and let her check out a few cookbooks. Then let her pick out which recipes she wants to make and set aside a weekend for preparation of the meals.
Let the Kids See You Read
Parents should lead by example and this is especially the case when instilling a love of books in children. Read your favorite books and the newspaper in front of them and explain to them what the stories are about. This might get them curious and they will probably ask more questions. If they ask questions, tell them the materials where they can get the information from.. This teaches them good research skills.
Set Up a Reading Space for Them
Another idea is to set up a room in the house that is designated for quiet reading time. In the room place a bookcase along with your child's favorite books and healthy snacks. Then for at least 30 minutes each day have your child read one of his books. Once his time ends, ask him questions about what he read and what he learned from it. This builds his critical thinking skills.
Consider Word Search Puzzles
I was introduced to word search puzzles at a young age and even today I find them entertaining. The good thing about these puzzles is that they are each centered around a certain category, and you are learning about new things while finding words. Buy some word search puzzles and let them work on a few each day. After they finish the puzzles, look up those same words in a dictionary with them.
These strategies can boost your child's interest in reading and improve his literacy skills.
Monday, October 3, 2016
How You Can Shape Your Child's Character
As a mom I'm concerned about how well I will mold my daughter's character throughout her childhood. Girls are often made to believe that what matters is how beautiful they look and how charming they can be. While there is nothing wrong with taking care of yourself physically and looking put together, I want to make sure that she grows up to become a woman of godly integrity, self respect and compassion for others. Here are ways we can mold our children's character for good.
Model Godly Character at Home
If you want your children to develop godly character, it's important that you model this behavior before them consistently. Engage the children in family devotions and prayer, and apply Scriptural principles to your own life so that your children will see how important this is to you. Maintain a humble attitude and be willing to admit when you fall short as a parent. Your example speaks more volumes than the lectures you give.
Mention the "Why" Behind Your Rules
So often as moms we are quick to give our children commands and while we should do this, we need to explain to them why we set certain rules for them to follow. For example, if you tell your son that he is not to spend no more than an hour playing video games on weekdays, mention that you have this rule in place because you're trying to teach him to be productive and well rounded as he grows up. Or if your daughter must save part of her allowance each week, you can tell her that the purpose is to teach her about saving for what she wants.
Give Technology a Break
You won't effectively mold your children's character if you're constantly plugged in to devices. Set aside one or two technology-free days each week as a family and look for more meaningful activities to enjoy together. Some neat ideas for family time include picnics at the park, skating, bowling, quiet reading at home, lunch in the backyard and working on the family scrapbook.
Make Everyday Activities Teachable Moments
Another way to teach your children about strong character is to turn everyday activities into teachable moments. If you and your son are planting a vegetable garden in the backyard, talk about how the planting process works and why growing your own vegetables is healthy and cost-effective in the long term. If the children are watching a documentary about autism, talk with them about showing compassion for those with certain illnesses, animals, the elderly, the deaf and blind and the disabled.
Discipline With Love
Setting boundaries is another important part of molding your child's character. When you discipline your child, make sure that you don't do it in a harsh manner or because you're frustrated with someone else such as your spouse or employer. Before you apply discipline, tell your child the reasons why it is happening and that you still love him. Don't spoil your child so much that he feels he can get away with anything because this will hurt his well being in the future.
Prayers for Children are Important
Sometimes your instruction and discipline rub the children the wrong way and they are not interested in doing the right thing. In this case it would be best to consistently pray that God will turn their hearts and minds towards a desire to live godly lives. By doing this you reduce the stress of parenting and you show that you're trusting God to mold them according to biblical truth.
Give Them Character Building Experiences
It also helps to give them opportunities to build their character. One idea is to have them prepare gift baskets for children who have to spend extended time in the hospital. You can also send them to elderly relatives' homes for the summer and have the kids help them with housekeeping tasks, special projects and running errands.
These tips will get you started on the track towards character development for your children, and you might see immediate results but you will see them in the future as they become adults.
Model Godly Character at Home
If you want your children to develop godly character, it's important that you model this behavior before them consistently. Engage the children in family devotions and prayer, and apply Scriptural principles to your own life so that your children will see how important this is to you. Maintain a humble attitude and be willing to admit when you fall short as a parent. Your example speaks more volumes than the lectures you give.
Mention the "Why" Behind Your Rules
So often as moms we are quick to give our children commands and while we should do this, we need to explain to them why we set certain rules for them to follow. For example, if you tell your son that he is not to spend no more than an hour playing video games on weekdays, mention that you have this rule in place because you're trying to teach him to be productive and well rounded as he grows up. Or if your daughter must save part of her allowance each week, you can tell her that the purpose is to teach her about saving for what she wants.
Give Technology a Break
You won't effectively mold your children's character if you're constantly plugged in to devices. Set aside one or two technology-free days each week as a family and look for more meaningful activities to enjoy together. Some neat ideas for family time include picnics at the park, skating, bowling, quiet reading at home, lunch in the backyard and working on the family scrapbook.
Make Everyday Activities Teachable Moments
Another way to teach your children about strong character is to turn everyday activities into teachable moments. If you and your son are planting a vegetable garden in the backyard, talk about how the planting process works and why growing your own vegetables is healthy and cost-effective in the long term. If the children are watching a documentary about autism, talk with them about showing compassion for those with certain illnesses, animals, the elderly, the deaf and blind and the disabled.
Discipline With Love
Setting boundaries is another important part of molding your child's character. When you discipline your child, make sure that you don't do it in a harsh manner or because you're frustrated with someone else such as your spouse or employer. Before you apply discipline, tell your child the reasons why it is happening and that you still love him. Don't spoil your child so much that he feels he can get away with anything because this will hurt his well being in the future.
Prayers for Children are Important
Sometimes your instruction and discipline rub the children the wrong way and they are not interested in doing the right thing. In this case it would be best to consistently pray that God will turn their hearts and minds towards a desire to live godly lives. By doing this you reduce the stress of parenting and you show that you're trusting God to mold them according to biblical truth.
Give Them Character Building Experiences
It also helps to give them opportunities to build their character. One idea is to have them prepare gift baskets for children who have to spend extended time in the hospital. You can also send them to elderly relatives' homes for the summer and have the kids help them with housekeeping tasks, special projects and running errands.
These tips will get you started on the track towards character development for your children, and you might see immediate results but you will see them in the future as they become adults.
Wednesday, September 28, 2016
How Motherhood Changed My Perspective
As a child-free woman in the past before motherhood, I didn't pay much attention to child safety issues or the constant toy recalls that have been in the news over the past few years. I also didn't care that much about shaping the minds of future generations spiritually and emotionally. Now that I'm a mom, I have started caring a lot more about these things. I just want to discuss how my outlook and priorities have changed due to motherhood.
I realized that I have to model the kind of attitudes and behaviors that I want my daughter to have. As a result I decided to become more intentional in setting a good example before her. I do everything I can to have patience with her even when she tests the boundaries. She is a toddler so that is to be expected. I also tell her I love her and show affection as often as possible so that she can learn empathy for others. I often eat healthy foods in front of her so that she will understand the importance of them. It is paying off because she likes fruits such as bananas, berries and watermelon.
I now see that since becoming a mother, I can't handle finances any way I please anymore. My finances are to be used primarily for the provision of my daughter's material needs. I'm thinking about opening a savings account that will be used for emergencies and as a single mother, it's crucial for our financial stability at home. In addition, as a freelancer I can no longer settle for clients that will pay me peanuts. I need to actively seek out higher paying gigs going forward because of the bills I pay each month.
Another priority of mine is the desire to learn additional life skills because I need to teach them to my daughter one day. I do a poor job of styling hair so recently I started watching online videos to get an idea of the basics of hairstyling since my daughter's hair is growing beautifully. I'm also interested in learning basic sewing skills so that I can teach them to her.
Everyday is a teachable moment both for me and my daughter. While I'm teaching her how to walk and climb up stairs, she's teaching me to slow down the pace in my life. I'm teaching her to put away her toys and pick things up but she teaches me a lot about patience. While I'm so concerned about getting back to my pre-pregnancy weight, my daughter still wants to take me by the hand and go outside with me in spite of my postpartum figure. She only cares about the time I spend with her.
These are just a few of the lessons that I already learned since becoming a mother, and through the grace of God I hope to be a godly example before her on a regular basis.
I realized that I have to model the kind of attitudes and behaviors that I want my daughter to have. As a result I decided to become more intentional in setting a good example before her. I do everything I can to have patience with her even when she tests the boundaries. She is a toddler so that is to be expected. I also tell her I love her and show affection as often as possible so that she can learn empathy for others. I often eat healthy foods in front of her so that she will understand the importance of them. It is paying off because she likes fruits such as bananas, berries and watermelon.
I now see that since becoming a mother, I can't handle finances any way I please anymore. My finances are to be used primarily for the provision of my daughter's material needs. I'm thinking about opening a savings account that will be used for emergencies and as a single mother, it's crucial for our financial stability at home. In addition, as a freelancer I can no longer settle for clients that will pay me peanuts. I need to actively seek out higher paying gigs going forward because of the bills I pay each month.
Another priority of mine is the desire to learn additional life skills because I need to teach them to my daughter one day. I do a poor job of styling hair so recently I started watching online videos to get an idea of the basics of hairstyling since my daughter's hair is growing beautifully. I'm also interested in learning basic sewing skills so that I can teach them to her.
Everyday is a teachable moment both for me and my daughter. While I'm teaching her how to walk and climb up stairs, she's teaching me to slow down the pace in my life. I'm teaching her to put away her toys and pick things up but she teaches me a lot about patience. While I'm so concerned about getting back to my pre-pregnancy weight, my daughter still wants to take me by the hand and go outside with me in spite of my postpartum figure. She only cares about the time I spend with her.
These are just a few of the lessons that I already learned since becoming a mother, and through the grace of God I hope to be a godly example before her on a regular basis.
Saturday, September 24, 2016
Motherhood Struggles that are All Too Real
I named this blog Mama in the Trenches because I not only discuss the pleasant aspects of motherhood but also the difficult times we deal with as mothers. In my first post I discussed my conflict over whether I should marry and relocate permanently with my child's father in order to work things out and be a family. In this post I will discuss some of the common struggles of motherhood and how we can overcome them.
Financial Difficulties
For single mothers like myself, we often struggle with financial worries. As a freelance writer I earn an irregular income at times and this becomes difficult to provide for my daughter the way I would like. For this reason I am always looking for additional clients and this past year has been tough financially. Some of my longtime clients no longer have new assignments for me while others do not need my services temporarily. I know that things will improve eventually but for now it is a struggle.
Mommy Guilt
This is a neverending struggle for many moms. We feel guilty for disciplining them too much or being too lenient with them. We feel guilt about not spending enough time with our children due to our jobs or household chores. Some of this guilt comes from our spouses, our parents, other relatives and even the media at times. We need to keep in mind that we will never get parenting right 100% of the time, and there will be times when we fail as mothers. The important thing is that we continue to do the best we can for our kids and get help when we don't have the answers regarding parenting. As a new mom I agonized over my lack of knowledge and I received unfair criticism at times. The best thing you can do for new moms is offer them plenty of encouragement and reasonable advice.
Discipline Issues
Every mother wants her children to be happy and feel loved, but the truth is that in order for our children to become responsible and mature, we must discipline and deny them certain things. I admit that I'm a softie when it comes to my one year old daughter, and as she gets older I will need to develop a stronger backbone and apply a firm hand. This means I will need to endure her protests and hear all kinds of hurtful words at times. We must teach our children that life will not go their way all of the time. I'm concerned about the entitlement attitude so many young people have these days, and I want to set reasonable boundaries.
Certain Rituals Get Mundane
My daughter is a music lover and so am I. But if I have to hear the songs Return of the Space Cowboy by Jamiroquai and Party All The Time by Eddie Murphy one more time this week, I might scream. See, these two songs are her favorites along with others and while they sound good, I'm tired of hearing them. She also loves it when I give her piggyback rides and for the most part these rides are fun. But sometimes they do a number on my back.
Keeping Up Our Appearances
As new mothers in particular, we sometimes begin to neglect our appearance and do not always feel like looking glamorous. I have been guilty of this and my mother rightfully called me out on it. She mentioned that just because I am a mother, it doesn't mean that I can no longer look beautiful and treat myself sometimes. I'm also trying to fit in exercise as part of my daily schedule. As moms, we should take special care of ourselves so that we can be there for our children.
Time Management Issues
Don't you wish there were 48 rather than 24 hours in a day at times? Many mothers juggle different tasks and yet some things still will not get done. I had to realize that I'm not a superhero and that if I want a more productive life as a mom, I will need to prioritize my tasks according to importance. If I need to cook dinner around 4 p.m., I make sure that all of the laundry gets done before that time. This cuts down on stress and I can enjoy my daughter more.
These are just a few of the struggles that we mothers deal with regularly. We should build a strong support system around us so that we will not easily fall apart when motherhood saps our sanity and energy. We will instead be like strong emotional towers that can withstand hard knocks in parenting.
Financial Difficulties
For single mothers like myself, we often struggle with financial worries. As a freelance writer I earn an irregular income at times and this becomes difficult to provide for my daughter the way I would like. For this reason I am always looking for additional clients and this past year has been tough financially. Some of my longtime clients no longer have new assignments for me while others do not need my services temporarily. I know that things will improve eventually but for now it is a struggle.
Mommy Guilt
This is a neverending struggle for many moms. We feel guilty for disciplining them too much or being too lenient with them. We feel guilt about not spending enough time with our children due to our jobs or household chores. Some of this guilt comes from our spouses, our parents, other relatives and even the media at times. We need to keep in mind that we will never get parenting right 100% of the time, and there will be times when we fail as mothers. The important thing is that we continue to do the best we can for our kids and get help when we don't have the answers regarding parenting. As a new mom I agonized over my lack of knowledge and I received unfair criticism at times. The best thing you can do for new moms is offer them plenty of encouragement and reasonable advice.
Discipline Issues
Every mother wants her children to be happy and feel loved, but the truth is that in order for our children to become responsible and mature, we must discipline and deny them certain things. I admit that I'm a softie when it comes to my one year old daughter, and as she gets older I will need to develop a stronger backbone and apply a firm hand. This means I will need to endure her protests and hear all kinds of hurtful words at times. We must teach our children that life will not go their way all of the time. I'm concerned about the entitlement attitude so many young people have these days, and I want to set reasonable boundaries.
Certain Rituals Get Mundane
My daughter is a music lover and so am I. But if I have to hear the songs Return of the Space Cowboy by Jamiroquai and Party All The Time by Eddie Murphy one more time this week, I might scream. See, these two songs are her favorites along with others and while they sound good, I'm tired of hearing them. She also loves it when I give her piggyback rides and for the most part these rides are fun. But sometimes they do a number on my back.
Keeping Up Our Appearances
As new mothers in particular, we sometimes begin to neglect our appearance and do not always feel like looking glamorous. I have been guilty of this and my mother rightfully called me out on it. She mentioned that just because I am a mother, it doesn't mean that I can no longer look beautiful and treat myself sometimes. I'm also trying to fit in exercise as part of my daily schedule. As moms, we should take special care of ourselves so that we can be there for our children.
Time Management Issues
Don't you wish there were 48 rather than 24 hours in a day at times? Many mothers juggle different tasks and yet some things still will not get done. I had to realize that I'm not a superhero and that if I want a more productive life as a mom, I will need to prioritize my tasks according to importance. If I need to cook dinner around 4 p.m., I make sure that all of the laundry gets done before that time. This cuts down on stress and I can enjoy my daughter more.
These are just a few of the struggles that we mothers deal with regularly. We should build a strong support system around us so that we will not easily fall apart when motherhood saps our sanity and energy. We will instead be like strong emotional towers that can withstand hard knocks in parenting.
Friday, September 23, 2016
To Marry or Not to Marry the Co-Parent
My child's father and I share in the parenting of our one-year-old daughter and we are actually good friends. Actually, the lines are blurred in my opinion because recently when I brought our daughter over for a visit, he appeared as if he was interested in rekindling the romance we once had. The main reason for our breakup was his selfishness and tendency to get easily frustrated at times. But he also has positive qualities when he wants to exhibit them. When I got sick he would visit me in the hospital and he always calls to see how our daughter is doing. During our recent visit he expressed his true feelings for me and he mentioned that he wants to continue to be a part of our daughter's life. He has also apologized for his past selfishness and although he will try hard not to disappoint me going forward, I know that there will be bumps in the road.
He also mentioned the m word---marriage at some point in our conversation, and that he was interested in relocating to another state for better job opportunities so that he can provide a better future for us and our daughter. From there he got into this long talk about the limited opportunities in the city we live in. I understand where he's coming from because we live in a tourism-based city that has very little diversity regarding the job industries that one can enter into. My background is journalism and in this city there are not many media outlets other than a small handful of radio stations, TV stations and newspapers that do not hire frequently.
I am.conflicted about his idea. He feels that once he settles into steady work in the new city, he wants my daughter and I to visit there for a few days, and while I'm in the new city I can explore employment options. After this, I can decide on whether I would like to live in that city permanently and settle down with him. This is a serious decision that I can't take lightly. I believe that marriage should be permanent and I sometimes fear that the slightest problem could cause issues that lead to a divorce.
My child's father's mother and I are very close and she loves my daughter to pieces. She calls me everyday to ask how my daughter is doing and we have been to her home quite a few times over the past few months. She hasn't always had the best relationship with my child's father and things get tense between them at times. This worries me because in the past he has not handled conflict with her very well and I'm concerned that he will repeat the same childish habits with me and my daughter should we get married. In addition, he has not kept a steady job consistently in recent months. I need to know that he is stable financially before I decide to marry him.
I am not one to believe that you should write someone off just because of mistakes they made in the past because it is possible for someone to turn their life around. But a child is involved in this decision, and I don't want my daughter to be emotionally scarred from growing up in an unstable home. I would rather raise her alone than live in an unhappy marriage. I admit that I still have strong feelings for my child's father but I am afraid that I will make the wrong choice.
I have a few months to think about his suggestion, and I will also pray about this continually until I know that am making the right choice for my daughter.
He also mentioned the m word---marriage at some point in our conversation, and that he was interested in relocating to another state for better job opportunities so that he can provide a better future for us and our daughter. From there he got into this long talk about the limited opportunities in the city we live in. I understand where he's coming from because we live in a tourism-based city that has very little diversity regarding the job industries that one can enter into. My background is journalism and in this city there are not many media outlets other than a small handful of radio stations, TV stations and newspapers that do not hire frequently.
I am.conflicted about his idea. He feels that once he settles into steady work in the new city, he wants my daughter and I to visit there for a few days, and while I'm in the new city I can explore employment options. After this, I can decide on whether I would like to live in that city permanently and settle down with him. This is a serious decision that I can't take lightly. I believe that marriage should be permanent and I sometimes fear that the slightest problem could cause issues that lead to a divorce.
My child's father's mother and I are very close and she loves my daughter to pieces. She calls me everyday to ask how my daughter is doing and we have been to her home quite a few times over the past few months. She hasn't always had the best relationship with my child's father and things get tense between them at times. This worries me because in the past he has not handled conflict with her very well and I'm concerned that he will repeat the same childish habits with me and my daughter should we get married. In addition, he has not kept a steady job consistently in recent months. I need to know that he is stable financially before I decide to marry him.
I am not one to believe that you should write someone off just because of mistakes they made in the past because it is possible for someone to turn their life around. But a child is involved in this decision, and I don't want my daughter to be emotionally scarred from growing up in an unstable home. I would rather raise her alone than live in an unhappy marriage. I admit that I still have strong feelings for my child's father but I am afraid that I will make the wrong choice.
I have a few months to think about his suggestion, and I will also pray about this continually until I know that am making the right choice for my daughter.
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