As a child-free woman in the past before motherhood, I didn't pay much attention to child safety issues or the constant toy recalls that have been in the news over the past few years. I also didn't care that much about shaping the minds of future generations spiritually and emotionally. Now that I'm a mom, I have started caring a lot more about these things. I just want to discuss how my outlook and priorities have changed due to motherhood.
I realized that I have to model the kind of attitudes and behaviors that I want my daughter to have. As a result I decided to become more intentional in setting a good example before her. I do everything I can to have patience with her even when she tests the boundaries. She is a toddler so that is to be expected. I also tell her I love her and show affection as often as possible so that she can learn empathy for others. I often eat healthy foods in front of her so that she will understand the importance of them. It is paying off because she likes fruits such as bananas, berries and watermelon.
I now see that since becoming a mother, I can't handle finances any way I please anymore. My finances are to be used primarily for the provision of my daughter's material needs. I'm thinking about opening a savings account that will be used for emergencies and as a single mother, it's crucial for our financial stability at home. In addition, as a freelancer I can no longer settle for clients that will pay me peanuts. I need to actively seek out higher paying gigs going forward because of the bills I pay each month.
Another priority of mine is the desire to learn additional life skills because I need to teach them to my daughter one day. I do a poor job of styling hair so recently I started watching online videos to get an idea of the basics of hairstyling since my daughter's hair is growing beautifully. I'm also interested in learning basic sewing skills so that I can teach them to her.
Everyday is a teachable moment both for me and my daughter. While I'm teaching her how to walk and climb up stairs, she's teaching me to slow down the pace in my life. I'm teaching her to put away her toys and pick things up but she teaches me a lot about patience. While I'm so concerned about getting back to my pre-pregnancy weight, my daughter still wants to take me by the hand and go outside with me in spite of my postpartum figure. She only cares about the time I spend with her.
These are just a few of the lessons that I already learned since becoming a mother, and through the grace of God I hope to be a godly example before her on a regular basis.
Wednesday, September 28, 2016
Saturday, September 24, 2016
Motherhood Struggles that are All Too Real
I named this blog Mama in the Trenches because I not only discuss the pleasant aspects of motherhood but also the difficult times we deal with as mothers. In my first post I discussed my conflict over whether I should marry and relocate permanently with my child's father in order to work things out and be a family. In this post I will discuss some of the common struggles of motherhood and how we can overcome them.
Financial Difficulties
For single mothers like myself, we often struggle with financial worries. As a freelance writer I earn an irregular income at times and this becomes difficult to provide for my daughter the way I would like. For this reason I am always looking for additional clients and this past year has been tough financially. Some of my longtime clients no longer have new assignments for me while others do not need my services temporarily. I know that things will improve eventually but for now it is a struggle.
Mommy Guilt
This is a neverending struggle for many moms. We feel guilty for disciplining them too much or being too lenient with them. We feel guilt about not spending enough time with our children due to our jobs or household chores. Some of this guilt comes from our spouses, our parents, other relatives and even the media at times. We need to keep in mind that we will never get parenting right 100% of the time, and there will be times when we fail as mothers. The important thing is that we continue to do the best we can for our kids and get help when we don't have the answers regarding parenting. As a new mom I agonized over my lack of knowledge and I received unfair criticism at times. The best thing you can do for new moms is offer them plenty of encouragement and reasonable advice.
Discipline Issues
Every mother wants her children to be happy and feel loved, but the truth is that in order for our children to become responsible and mature, we must discipline and deny them certain things. I admit that I'm a softie when it comes to my one year old daughter, and as she gets older I will need to develop a stronger backbone and apply a firm hand. This means I will need to endure her protests and hear all kinds of hurtful words at times. We must teach our children that life will not go their way all of the time. I'm concerned about the entitlement attitude so many young people have these days, and I want to set reasonable boundaries.
Certain Rituals Get Mundane
My daughter is a music lover and so am I. But if I have to hear the songs Return of the Space Cowboy by Jamiroquai and Party All The Time by Eddie Murphy one more time this week, I might scream. See, these two songs are her favorites along with others and while they sound good, I'm tired of hearing them. She also loves it when I give her piggyback rides and for the most part these rides are fun. But sometimes they do a number on my back.
Keeping Up Our Appearances
As new mothers in particular, we sometimes begin to neglect our appearance and do not always feel like looking glamorous. I have been guilty of this and my mother rightfully called me out on it. She mentioned that just because I am a mother, it doesn't mean that I can no longer look beautiful and treat myself sometimes. I'm also trying to fit in exercise as part of my daily schedule. As moms, we should take special care of ourselves so that we can be there for our children.
Time Management Issues
Don't you wish there were 48 rather than 24 hours in a day at times? Many mothers juggle different tasks and yet some things still will not get done. I had to realize that I'm not a superhero and that if I want a more productive life as a mom, I will need to prioritize my tasks according to importance. If I need to cook dinner around 4 p.m., I make sure that all of the laundry gets done before that time. This cuts down on stress and I can enjoy my daughter more.
These are just a few of the struggles that we mothers deal with regularly. We should build a strong support system around us so that we will not easily fall apart when motherhood saps our sanity and energy. We will instead be like strong emotional towers that can withstand hard knocks in parenting.
Financial Difficulties
For single mothers like myself, we often struggle with financial worries. As a freelance writer I earn an irregular income at times and this becomes difficult to provide for my daughter the way I would like. For this reason I am always looking for additional clients and this past year has been tough financially. Some of my longtime clients no longer have new assignments for me while others do not need my services temporarily. I know that things will improve eventually but for now it is a struggle.
Mommy Guilt
This is a neverending struggle for many moms. We feel guilty for disciplining them too much or being too lenient with them. We feel guilt about not spending enough time with our children due to our jobs or household chores. Some of this guilt comes from our spouses, our parents, other relatives and even the media at times. We need to keep in mind that we will never get parenting right 100% of the time, and there will be times when we fail as mothers. The important thing is that we continue to do the best we can for our kids and get help when we don't have the answers regarding parenting. As a new mom I agonized over my lack of knowledge and I received unfair criticism at times. The best thing you can do for new moms is offer them plenty of encouragement and reasonable advice.
Discipline Issues
Every mother wants her children to be happy and feel loved, but the truth is that in order for our children to become responsible and mature, we must discipline and deny them certain things. I admit that I'm a softie when it comes to my one year old daughter, and as she gets older I will need to develop a stronger backbone and apply a firm hand. This means I will need to endure her protests and hear all kinds of hurtful words at times. We must teach our children that life will not go their way all of the time. I'm concerned about the entitlement attitude so many young people have these days, and I want to set reasonable boundaries.
Certain Rituals Get Mundane
My daughter is a music lover and so am I. But if I have to hear the songs Return of the Space Cowboy by Jamiroquai and Party All The Time by Eddie Murphy one more time this week, I might scream. See, these two songs are her favorites along with others and while they sound good, I'm tired of hearing them. She also loves it when I give her piggyback rides and for the most part these rides are fun. But sometimes they do a number on my back.
Keeping Up Our Appearances
As new mothers in particular, we sometimes begin to neglect our appearance and do not always feel like looking glamorous. I have been guilty of this and my mother rightfully called me out on it. She mentioned that just because I am a mother, it doesn't mean that I can no longer look beautiful and treat myself sometimes. I'm also trying to fit in exercise as part of my daily schedule. As moms, we should take special care of ourselves so that we can be there for our children.
Time Management Issues
Don't you wish there were 48 rather than 24 hours in a day at times? Many mothers juggle different tasks and yet some things still will not get done. I had to realize that I'm not a superhero and that if I want a more productive life as a mom, I will need to prioritize my tasks according to importance. If I need to cook dinner around 4 p.m., I make sure that all of the laundry gets done before that time. This cuts down on stress and I can enjoy my daughter more.
These are just a few of the struggles that we mothers deal with regularly. We should build a strong support system around us so that we will not easily fall apart when motherhood saps our sanity and energy. We will instead be like strong emotional towers that can withstand hard knocks in parenting.
Friday, September 23, 2016
To Marry or Not to Marry the Co-Parent
My child's father and I share in the parenting of our one-year-old daughter and we are actually good friends. Actually, the lines are blurred in my opinion because recently when I brought our daughter over for a visit, he appeared as if he was interested in rekindling the romance we once had. The main reason for our breakup was his selfishness and tendency to get easily frustrated at times. But he also has positive qualities when he wants to exhibit them. When I got sick he would visit me in the hospital and he always calls to see how our daughter is doing. During our recent visit he expressed his true feelings for me and he mentioned that he wants to continue to be a part of our daughter's life. He has also apologized for his past selfishness and although he will try hard not to disappoint me going forward, I know that there will be bumps in the road.
He also mentioned the m word---marriage at some point in our conversation, and that he was interested in relocating to another state for better job opportunities so that he can provide a better future for us and our daughter. From there he got into this long talk about the limited opportunities in the city we live in. I understand where he's coming from because we live in a tourism-based city that has very little diversity regarding the job industries that one can enter into. My background is journalism and in this city there are not many media outlets other than a small handful of radio stations, TV stations and newspapers that do not hire frequently.
I am.conflicted about his idea. He feels that once he settles into steady work in the new city, he wants my daughter and I to visit there for a few days, and while I'm in the new city I can explore employment options. After this, I can decide on whether I would like to live in that city permanently and settle down with him. This is a serious decision that I can't take lightly. I believe that marriage should be permanent and I sometimes fear that the slightest problem could cause issues that lead to a divorce.
My child's father's mother and I are very close and she loves my daughter to pieces. She calls me everyday to ask how my daughter is doing and we have been to her home quite a few times over the past few months. She hasn't always had the best relationship with my child's father and things get tense between them at times. This worries me because in the past he has not handled conflict with her very well and I'm concerned that he will repeat the same childish habits with me and my daughter should we get married. In addition, he has not kept a steady job consistently in recent months. I need to know that he is stable financially before I decide to marry him.
I am not one to believe that you should write someone off just because of mistakes they made in the past because it is possible for someone to turn their life around. But a child is involved in this decision, and I don't want my daughter to be emotionally scarred from growing up in an unstable home. I would rather raise her alone than live in an unhappy marriage. I admit that I still have strong feelings for my child's father but I am afraid that I will make the wrong choice.
I have a few months to think about his suggestion, and I will also pray about this continually until I know that am making the right choice for my daughter.
He also mentioned the m word---marriage at some point in our conversation, and that he was interested in relocating to another state for better job opportunities so that he can provide a better future for us and our daughter. From there he got into this long talk about the limited opportunities in the city we live in. I understand where he's coming from because we live in a tourism-based city that has very little diversity regarding the job industries that one can enter into. My background is journalism and in this city there are not many media outlets other than a small handful of radio stations, TV stations and newspapers that do not hire frequently.
I am.conflicted about his idea. He feels that once he settles into steady work in the new city, he wants my daughter and I to visit there for a few days, and while I'm in the new city I can explore employment options. After this, I can decide on whether I would like to live in that city permanently and settle down with him. This is a serious decision that I can't take lightly. I believe that marriage should be permanent and I sometimes fear that the slightest problem could cause issues that lead to a divorce.
My child's father's mother and I are very close and she loves my daughter to pieces. She calls me everyday to ask how my daughter is doing and we have been to her home quite a few times over the past few months. She hasn't always had the best relationship with my child's father and things get tense between them at times. This worries me because in the past he has not handled conflict with her very well and I'm concerned that he will repeat the same childish habits with me and my daughter should we get married. In addition, he has not kept a steady job consistently in recent months. I need to know that he is stable financially before I decide to marry him.
I am not one to believe that you should write someone off just because of mistakes they made in the past because it is possible for someone to turn their life around. But a child is involved in this decision, and I don't want my daughter to be emotionally scarred from growing up in an unstable home. I would rather raise her alone than live in an unhappy marriage. I admit that I still have strong feelings for my child's father but I am afraid that I will make the wrong choice.
I have a few months to think about his suggestion, and I will also pray about this continually until I know that am making the right choice for my daughter.
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