I named this blog Mama in the Trenches because I not only discuss the pleasant aspects of motherhood but also the difficult times we deal with as mothers. In my first post I discussed my conflict over whether I should marry and relocate permanently with my child's father in order to work things out and be a family. In this post I will discuss some of the common struggles of motherhood and how we can overcome them.
Financial Difficulties
For single mothers like myself, we often struggle with financial worries. As a freelance writer I earn an irregular income at times and this becomes difficult to provide for my daughter the way I would like. For this reason I am always looking for additional clients and this past year has been tough financially. Some of my longtime clients no longer have new assignments for me while others do not need my services temporarily. I know that things will improve eventually but for now it is a struggle.
Mommy Guilt
This is a neverending struggle for many moms. We feel guilty for disciplining them too much or being too lenient with them. We feel guilt about not spending enough time with our children due to our jobs or household chores. Some of this guilt comes from our spouses, our parents, other relatives and even the media at times. We need to keep in mind that we will never get parenting right 100% of the time, and there will be times when we fail as mothers. The important thing is that we continue to do the best we can for our kids and get help when we don't have the answers regarding parenting. As a new mom I agonized over my lack of knowledge and I received unfair criticism at times. The best thing you can do for new moms is offer them plenty of encouragement and reasonable advice.
Discipline Issues
Every mother wants her children to be happy and feel loved, but the truth is that in order for our children to become responsible and mature, we must discipline and deny them certain things. I admit that I'm a softie when it comes to my one year old daughter, and as she gets older I will need to develop a stronger backbone and apply a firm hand. This means I will need to endure her protests and hear all kinds of hurtful words at times. We must teach our children that life will not go their way all of the time. I'm concerned about the entitlement attitude so many young people have these days, and I want to set reasonable boundaries.
Certain Rituals Get Mundane
My daughter is a music lover and so am I. But if I have to hear the songs Return of the Space Cowboy by Jamiroquai and Party All The Time by Eddie Murphy one more time this week, I might scream. See, these two songs are her favorites along with others and while they sound good, I'm tired of hearing them. She also loves it when I give her piggyback rides and for the most part these rides are fun. But sometimes they do a number on my back.
Keeping Up Our Appearances
As new mothers in particular, we sometimes begin to neglect our appearance and do not always feel like looking glamorous. I have been guilty of this and my mother rightfully called me out on it. She mentioned that just because I am a mother, it doesn't mean that I can no longer look beautiful and treat myself sometimes. I'm also trying to fit in exercise as part of my daily schedule. As moms, we should take special care of ourselves so that we can be there for our children.
Time Management Issues
Don't you wish there were 48 rather than 24 hours in a day at times? Many mothers juggle different tasks and yet some things still will not get done. I had to realize that I'm not a superhero and that if I want a more productive life as a mom, I will need to prioritize my tasks according to importance. If I need to cook dinner around 4 p.m., I make sure that all of the laundry gets done before that time. This cuts down on stress and I can enjoy my daughter more.
These are just a few of the struggles that we mothers deal with regularly. We should build a strong support system around us so that we will not easily fall apart when motherhood saps our sanity and energy. We will instead be like strong emotional towers that can withstand hard knocks in parenting.
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