My child's father and I share in the parenting of our one-year-old daughter and we are actually good friends. Actually, the lines are blurred in my opinion because recently when I brought our daughter over for a visit, he appeared as if he was interested in rekindling the romance we once had. The main reason for our breakup was his selfishness and tendency to get easily frustrated at times. But he also has positive qualities when he wants to exhibit them. When I got sick he would visit me in the hospital and he always calls to see how our daughter is doing. During our recent visit he expressed his true feelings for me and he mentioned that he wants to continue to be a part of our daughter's life. He has also apologized for his past selfishness and although he will try hard not to disappoint me going forward, I know that there will be bumps in the road.
He also mentioned the m word---marriage at some point in our conversation, and that he was interested in relocating to another state for better job opportunities so that he can provide a better future for us and our daughter. From there he got into this long talk about the limited opportunities in the city we live in. I understand where he's coming from because we live in a tourism-based city that has very little diversity regarding the job industries that one can enter into. My background is journalism and in this city there are not many media outlets other than a small handful of radio stations, TV stations and newspapers that do not hire frequently.
I am.conflicted about his idea. He feels that once he settles into steady work in the new city, he wants my daughter and I to visit there for a few days, and while I'm in the new city I can explore employment options. After this, I can decide on whether I would like to live in that city permanently and settle down with him. This is a serious decision that I can't take lightly. I believe that marriage should be permanent and I sometimes fear that the slightest problem could cause issues that lead to a divorce.
My child's father's mother and I are very close and she loves my daughter to pieces. She calls me everyday to ask how my daughter is doing and we have been to her home quite a few times over the past few months. She hasn't always had the best relationship with my child's father and things get tense between them at times. This worries me because in the past he has not handled conflict with her very well and I'm concerned that he will repeat the same childish habits with me and my daughter should we get married. In addition, he has not kept a steady job consistently in recent months. I need to know that he is stable financially before I decide to marry him.
I am not one to believe that you should write someone off just because of mistakes they made in the past because it is possible for someone to turn their life around. But a child is involved in this decision, and I don't want my daughter to be emotionally scarred from growing up in an unstable home. I would rather raise her alone than live in an unhappy marriage. I admit that I still have strong feelings for my child's father but I am afraid that I will make the wrong choice.
I have a few months to think about his suggestion, and I will also pray about this continually until I know that am making the right choice for my daughter.
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